


Alpha and Omega

by Anonymous



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Aesthetics, Alternate Universe - Good Omens Fusion, Angel!Ventus, Angels, Biblical References, Biblical Reinterpretation, British Comedy, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Demon!Vanitas, Demons, F/F, F/M, Fallen Angels, Fluff and Crack, Heaven, Hell, Historical Inaccuracy, Historical References, Knowledge of Good Omens or the Bible is optional, M/M, Meta, Metafiction, Not Beta Read, Stupidity, Theology, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Vanitas as Crowley, Ventus as Aziriphale, because
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-18 07:49:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19330234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The end of the world began at the very beginning.At the very centre*, was an angel and a demon. Together, they must fight[1] to save the world.*Not quite centre, if one were to look closely. Maybe a few centimetres off the very centre, but not like it mattered, right?[1] It wasn't so much as fighting as it was more like vaguely doing things to save the world.





	1. The Good Book™

Ventus came into the world fully formed*--much like his brothers and sisters. From a wave of light, he coalesced into a form made in His image, generally speaking. God doesn't really have much of a look, really, with all that light pouring out from every inch of His form. 

_*This was before babies were invented, and for the longest time, before humans had spread across the four corners of the earth, Ven assumed that the human Eve would be birthing to would have come fully equipped and grown. Once he realised the possibilities or rather, the impossibilities of human anatomy, Ventus couldn't help but be horrified. Vanitas still laughs at him about it to this day._

Angels weren't any better, to be honest. Time and time again, whenever Ventus had shown his true form to any hapless human, he always ended up with a mess in his hands*. Vanitas, the bastard, would just watch the show a good five minutes, revel in the chaos for five more, then wiled the horrid memories away with a snap of his fingers. Ventus used to do it, long before the Arrangement, but ever since he got written up by the Archangel Lauriam, Ventus had no choice but to put a stop on any angelic miracles except for emergencies.

_*It wasn't so much as the eyes and the mouths that got to humans, rather, when the eyeballs started spinning in their feathery sockets and the mouths started screaming that caused the extreme reaction in people._

Now, what do these anecdotes have anything to do with our story, one might ask?*

_*One might also ask when would the author start getting on with it. No worries, in good time. In good time._

Well, Ventus found himself in quite a pickle. He'd rather spend the whole day cozying about in his antique shop, watching Shakespeare In Love*, swathed in a thick duvet and a mug of cocoa in his hands. Alas, that was not to be.

_*Oh how Ventus missed him (him, being the Bard himself) terribly at times. Good fellow was he, but not quite to His standards. Vanitas exchanged letters for them to this very day. As long as the demon got to harass Marlowe in turn with misspelled copies of Faust sent to his corner of heaven._

With his once lost flaming sword in hand, ethereal wings spread, and the Antichrist on the other--Ventus braced himself for the Dark One's (also known as the Betrayer, Morningstar, Lord of the Fallen, King of the Pit, the Devil himself) coming. Vanitas was on the other side of the Antichrist, holding on to the boy as well, occult wings rustling protectively and a tire iron on his other hand*.

_*The poor Rolls Royce gave out finally, after the quite literal hell it went through on the M25. The tire iron was the only thing left that Vanitas can hold in one hand._

The ground rumbled ominously, storm clouds swirling at the very center where the concrete began to creak and shift. A hand made of pure darkness shot out like a daisy*. Sharp claws clenched on the runway, the enormous form pushing through the ground.

 _*Aqua's ancestor had a poignant passage on the book, as the Dark Oneth's hand hath grippeth uponth the barreneet wasteth, hearts and soulths oft the many convergeth unto single beats_.

Ventus swallowed audibly and glanced to his left, meeting Vanitas' snakelike eyes in silent understanding. Whatever happens, they will go down together. They have been in this mess together for 6000 years, and Ventus would like to see 6000 more.

For better or for worse.*

_*And that was the story of another day._


	2. Genesis

It all began, like any other story, in the Beginning. Except, it wasn't just _any_ beginning. Rather, it was the Beginning of all beginnings[1].

On the first day, much like in multiple editions of the same collection of books made into one book, God created the concept of light[2]. Then made actual light.

Then the sun, moon, and stars came next. And the rest, as they say, was history. As He slowly filled the Earth with animals[3], God had been cooking something in the back burner that some angels thought was… rather unusual.

It was made in His image, _their_ image, yet it wasn't ethereal at all. It held into a singular shape, molded from clay but no longer malleable after getting a blast of hot air from Him. Much like angels, humans were made to glorify Him and all that jazz. Except there was one problem [4].

What the hell were angels for if God created humans? Chopped liver?

Oh Vanitas was there, handing off some of the stuff that goes inside the human's-Adam’s-flesh vessel. Why, he was quite proud[5] of his contribution. Tonsils weren't exactly vital internal organs, it easily got infected, and wasn't quite necessary to stay alive[6].

"If they're made in Your image, our image, why do they have…" Vanitas, at the time, had a different name then.he couldn't quite remember what it was, much like his Grace, it was fleeting. Like trying to catch sand in his fingers. "... why is he made like…"

God remained silent, gesturing for tue angel to go on. Lucifer harrumphed haughtily, brow raised and silently urging Vanitas to get on with it.

"Like, well… he'd make horrid life decisions the moment you take your eyes off of him[7]?"

"It's not our place to question," Uriel[8] muttered solemnly, eye poking out of the curtain of blue hair. "Our place is to follow, as each and every last creation does and will."

The two archangels and Vanitas looked towards the Almighty for an answer. He just hummed in response.

"Say, it's rather lonely for one man to roam the Earth." Vanitas pouted at the obvious change of subject. "Perhaps I will invent a 'Woman.'"[9]

Adam hung around the Garden, just looking at the light from thou Father who art in Heaven as it sculpted a human-ish shape from clay, his expression started out nervous and had descended into absolutely horrified the longer God created his partner. Vanitas didn't help assuaging any of the disgust and fear when he shoved the tonsils where the throat should be. By the time He was finished, Adam was interesting shade of  green. Unlike him, the Woman™ was very pale, almost like a distorted reflection. Light skin in contrast to Adam's dark, long blonde hair where to Adam's short and black.

"Uh…" he began awkwardly, glancing at God's general direction. "I don't think that we're seeing each other eye to eye."[10]

"Is there something wrong?" If God had a physical form, Vanitas imagined He would have a brow raised. "I have made her in My image as he had been made in your image. Her name is Lilith."

"I really appreciate it." Vanitas snorted almost silently. Adam was just sooo convincing[11].

"You know her as she knows you and as she knows herself." For some strange reason, something about God's tone befuddled Vanitas[12]. It was the tone of someone who blithely ignored a house burning down just to watch the roof tiles collapse.

"I know her too much and too well." Vanitas bit his tongue. Was the human… seriously? "I'd rather not know it all."

Their Father (also known as the Creator, King of Kings, the Beginning and the End, God Almighty) hummed, and the next thing Vanitas knew, Adam's eyes began to drift shut and then the First Man was now a graceless heap on Eden's dirt. It was pretty good dirt, for dirt. Basically flawless, just the right consistency to be considered as fertile.

"Right, now, Lucifer, please help me acquire a rib. Excellent, that's a rather perfect looking rib, good job."

Lucifer crowed very pleased[13], and Vanitas rolled his eyes. Smug prick.

So here was Vanitas, making another woman. Only difference was Adam was fast asleep[14]. It wasn't as hard and since they already had existing material to use, the resulting creation did not loom far off from the First Man. For some reason; the width of her shoulders seemed broader and would not fit in Adam's embrace, or that she seemed like she was just a few inches shorter instead of the usual a head below. Vanitas wanted to point it out, but he'd rather not get another lecture about it being part of the Great Plan.

Then there went Adam and Eve frolicking, enjoying Eden and everything it had to offer.

Until they didn't.

* * *

  
[1]Much like the author, one started wondering if Beginning really was a word or an unusual mix of letters and sounds that didn't mean anything at all.

[2]God was of the opinion that it was best to start with a drawing before actually doing any creating. Too bad He hadn't anticipated accidentally inventing exhaustion, wariness, and tiredness before using the drawing board and… more Happy Accidents were made[2.1].

[2.1]God doesn't make mistakes. At all.

[3]And a joke fossil, or twenty.

[4]It wasn't so much as one problem, but rather, a lot of problems that bug Vanitas to this very day.

[5]At the time. Also, it was probably the thing that had him freestyle diving face first into a pool of boiling sulphur by way of the brimstone express.

[6]So was the colon. Lucifer took credit for that. Vanitas wasn't surprised.

[7]Days later, Vanitas ended up wondering if it was his design flaws that created the Original Sin, was he simply that good with wiles, or was it part of the Ineffable Plan?

[8]He was pretty sure Uriel went with a different name these days. Hell, almost everyone and anyone topside and underground did. Even _Lucifer_.

[9]Six thousand years later, a great majority of humans that identify as male still saw women as some strange exotic species Not Of This World. Hilarious for the first few years, then just sad after Agincourt.

[10]She hadn't opened her eyes just yet. If she had, they'd probably be blue.

[11]Something that would bite the First Man in the ass later.

[12]A lot of things about God befuddled Vanitas in the first place, hence his Fall. The thing that befuddled Vanitas the most, however, would be that time in Egypt. Ventus was there, and even Ventus was befuddled. He wasn't the sort of chap that was easily befuddled. The fact that Ventus (of all beings) was befuddled, was saying something.

[13]Years later, Vanitas would come to call him Daddy Issues™ in his private musings. One of the many clever things humans came up with. The term Daddy Issues™ that is.

[14]Adam's reaction once it was over and done with wasn't quite overzealous joy at finally having a partner. It was confusion because why his rib when there's so much soil around. Then _came_ the overzealous joy when he finally laid his eyes on Eve.

 


End file.
